How I killed Adolf Hitler and won the war

My name is William Joseph Blazkowicz, or “B.J.” to my friends, and this is how I killed Adolf Hitler and won the war.

B.J. Blazkowicz

I was born in 1911 on the 15th of August . My parents were from Poland and arrived in New York City a few years before my birth, looking to make a fresh start in the new world. A great war had spread like wildfire across Europe and they were anxious to leave and start a family here in the safety of the United States.

I grew up to be an athletic and active child, never one to sit still for too long a time, so upon finishing school, a career in the military seemed the right choice. I enlisted in the army and quickly rose up the ranks and in 1939 at the age of 28 I was invited to join the elite Office of Secret Actions (OSA). War had broken out again in Europe and Germany had invaded Poland, the birthplace of my parents. I was eager go there and right the wrongs that were being committed by our enemies.

Opportunity graced me, when I was sent on an espionage mission to Poland. Rumour had it that the Third Reich were conducting some strange experiments to help them win the war. It sounded crazy, but there was talk of the Nazis trying to create an army of mutant soldiers from people they’d experimented on. It was said that some Nazi scientist was grafting weapons into the bodies of these alleged mutant soldiers. I couldn’t believe it myself, but I had to go there to find out if there was a shred of truth to it.

Upon arriving in Poland though, we were discovered. I don’t know what happened to my fellow agents. Perhaps they were killed. I was captured though and taken to the nearby Castle Wolfenstein where I was thrown into a damp and dark prison cell to rot.

However, not all was lost. Each night, a guard would enter my cell and quickly throw some barely edible food into the room. Why they were keeping me alive, I couldn’t say. Perhaps they wanted to turn me into one of those supposed mutant soldiers they were apparently creating. Well, I wasn’t going to stand for that.

One night I took cover to the side of the prison cell door, waiting for the guard to drop off my evening meal. I waited and waited, and then just as I thought he wouldn’t come that night, I heard the slow click of the lock turning. The door squeaked open as he slowly entered the room. He didn’t see me in the shadows as I whacked him unconscious and he fell to the ground. I took his gun and made my way out. Many Nazis died that night by my hand.

B.J. Blazkowicz kills a guard and escapes his cell.

It was clear what I had to do. The only option was to take out the head of this all this insanity – the Fuhrer himself!

Inside Castle Wolfenstein I had discovered the location of where Hitler was based at this time, including a map of his headquarters. This could come in use, I thought. So I made contact with the OSA and informed them of my plans to assassinate him. It would have to be a one man job though, they told me. He was too well guarded for a large scale full frontal attack. I’d have to sneak into his headquarters and eliminate him before anyone could notice me.

I travelled to the small Polish town where his current headquarters were based. There were Nazis everywhere! I could access his headquarters via the nearby sewerage tunnel that fed into an unused maintenance room. It was a huge security flaw that you would think they would have noticed. They were overconfident though. I could do this.

I wadded through the sewerage tunnel. It smelt disgusting as I struggled through the filthy excrement and slime that clung to every surface. At the end of the tunnel was the shaft into the maintenance room. As I left the disused maintenance room I entered the hallway and noticed something shimmer in the distance. I thought my eyes were deceiving me, but there was something floating in the distance. No, there were multiple apparitions patrolling the hallway! They wore wavey black robes that resembled clergy garments. They hovered slightly above the ground and they all had the face of Adolf Hitler! What voodoo was this that the Nazis were playing at? Then from the chests of the ghostly Hitler beings, a stream of red hot fireballs emerged towards me. I strafed to the left to avoid being hit and then rotating myself in a circle, fired my gun at them. At once they collapsed to the ground and disappeared, leaving only their robes behind.

I had to be close now! I passed down the next hallway. This was where the real Adolf Hitler was. I opened the door with my machine gun at ready and there he was in the middle of the room. He wasn’t surprised. Perhaps he knew somehow that I was coming. It was what he was wearing though that took me by disbelief.

He was inside an armoured suit that was equipped with four large chain guns – two on each arm. He shouted the German words “Die Allied schweinehund!” at me. I was no pig dog. I was William Joseph Blazkowicz and I was here to kill Hitler.

He fired his chain guns at me and I ducked for cover. I returned with my machine gun and didn’t let up. He had no time to fire back at me as my bullets damaged his armoured suit. I could see the smoke rising from the suit. It must’ve had some mechanical components inside it.

He removed himself from his suit and came at me now with two chain guns he swiped from the broken armoured suit. I dodged his stream of bullets again and pulled out my pistol. I fired a single shot that went right through his neck. The blood trickled down his body and he collapsed to the floor barely breathing. “Who… are…you?” he gasped at me. “The name’s Blazkowicz”, I replied. “And I declare the Third Reich over”. Rage burned in his eyes as he started to froth at the mouth. I fired multiple bullets into his body and he fell to the ground in a bloody heap. Lastly, I stepped down hard on his head with my steal boots and felt his skull collapse under the weight of my foot. It shattered into shards of bone and a mixture of his brains and his blood oozed out onto the floor. The Fuhrer was dead.

I rushed back down the hallways and into the maintenance room and then down the sewer to the nearby forest where allied trooped were waiting for me to learn of my success.

Many people called me a hero after that day, but I’m no hero. I’m just someone who did what had to be done to stop a monster who had to be stopped.

“Very creative Mark (and disturbingly morbid) but it’s not very historically accurate” – my year 9 history teacher

Mecha Adolf Hitler

The above depiction of Adolf Hitler and his death at the hands of American solider B.J. Blazkowicz may not be entirely historically accurate according to my year 9 history teacher. However, I disagree. I’ve found proof that my history teacher was wrong.

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1 Response to How I killed Adolf Hitler and won the war

  1. Pingback: Nazis, demons, and autodidactism « Fragments Are Found

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